Well i felt as if i needed to write something down after the last 18 months which have been some of the hardest of my life!! and that says a lot when i had a baby at 17!! i am not looking for a pat on the back or sympathy and totally expect some abuse from what i am about to write as im sure its a subject many people have strong views on, but i wanted to have something to look back on, and if even 1 person thinks twice about drink driving then its been worth me writing this.
In July 2012 one Wednesday (random i know) I had been drinking on and off all day, and after a stupid argument which i don't even recall the purpose of i jumped into a vehicle i did not have permission to drive, knowing full well i was over the limit. I just drove, not really knowing where i was going or what i intended to do i just knew it was a way to hurt the person i was arguing with! in a drunken state i left horrible voicemails saying some horrible things and threatening to do just as awful things!!!
Someone very very close to me rang me to try and persuade me to pull over and just get out, they said they had reported me as they were concerned for my safety as mentally i was not in a good place, i didnt believe them, bluffing!! the police were out looking for me?!......if id only just pulled over then!!
Needless to say about 5 mins later i was pulled over and arrested for drinking driving and TWOK! (taking without consent) i spent 13 hours in a police cell trying my best to not to have a panic attack. Sitting in that cell thinking of what i had just done and the reality hitting home that i would almost certainly lose my shiny 10 yr clean driving license and quite possibly may have just lost the love of my life mysoul mate and rock for a moment of madness and stupidity!
The next morning as i sat and was assessed by a mental health nurse who told me she didn't consider me to be "crazy", she asked how come i was taking it so well, to which i replied "what is sitting in the corner crying gonna do", i knew i had done wrong and there was chuff all i could do to change it, i had to just accept my punishment like a big girl and be thankful i hadn't killed myself or someone else in my moment of stupidity!!!!
I had never really been in trouble with the police, i consider myself a well presented, hard working responsible person, that night i hit rock bottom i was so ashamed and disgusted in myself how could i even thinking about putting myself and other in that much danger!!! how would my kids manage without their mammy? how would i cope if id have killed someone! i wouldn't cope!! i am thankful everyday that i was stopped when i was!!
August 15th 2012 2 weeks after my 28th birthday i went to court for the first ever time, it was awful i was made to feel like a criminal, i was! i was belittled and the details of my offence read out to me, i cried they asked me to hand over my license there and then it was not a nice feeling!
I was given a £500 fine and 24 month driving ban with the option of a rehabilitation course (a further £200) to reduce it by 6 months.
It is coming up to the end of my ban and i can honestly say it has been the hardest lesson i have had to learn, its not even so much the way it has affected me i was prepared for it, my poor kids and husband have suffered far more. The kids have had 2 horrible winters of having to walk a mile to school and being stuck in the house during the holidays! Craig has had to be my taxi and the kids taxi. Simple tasks like food shopping now meant i had to rely on someone else, everywhere I went meant relying on someone else, i am an independent person and this was by far the hardest part, losing my independence.
I do NOT blame the person who reported me they are a big part of my life and always will be, i understand completely why and am actually quite pleased they did as it has given me a different perspective on life. You cant go round thinking your above the law doing what you want at the risk of your own and other peoples lives!
I would not have got through the last 18 months without my amazing hubby he has stood by me even after the hell i put him through that night, no one would have blamed him for walking, no running away!! i would like to think it has made us stronger and it has definitely made me appreciate him a lot more!! Craig i can never ever explain how much i love you and thank you for getting me through the last 18 months, if i didnt have you and the kids to keep me going it would be pointless!!!
I can hand on my heart promise i will never ever drive after drinking an alcoholic drink, it just isnt worth it, it nearly cost me my marriage, my life and has cost me a small fortune to get it back. Please we all know someone or have even done it ourselves, just dont!! get a taxi whats £20, £40, £50 compared to a criminal record the shame you have to live with being know as a drink driver and the amount it will cost you in court costs, fines, course, medicals, license applications, insurance etc!!
thank you if you got this far and i hope it makes you think if your one of the people who think ah well i ve only had 2/3 pint im ok to drive!! you dont know that so why have any??
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